'It's really pretentious of you': Oblivious entitled dude doesn't understand why his neighbor won't cook for him daily

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    Font - r/AmItheA u/AwayPerformer A . Posted by S2 AITA for asking a neighbor if she wanted to share food? I'm a 31 year old single guy who lives alone in an apartment complex. I've lived there for 6 years. My neighbor across the hall, a woman around my age or a little younger (I actually don't know her first name but I'll call her Katie) lives across the hall from me diagonally and has for about 2 years. We exchange hellos but aren't friendly, which is how it is with most of my neighbors.
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    Font - So I don't know how to cook, and due to losing one of my part time gigs, I don't have as much money for takeout anymore. I'm getting really sick of eating cheap fast food or box mac and cheese. I'm gaining weight and I never feel great.
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    Font - This is where Katie comes in. I can always smell her cooking in the hall and it always smells amazing (I know it isn't the other person at our end of our hall cause it's a single old man). I've even complimented it a few times. So I got the idea that I'd offer to give her some money each week to cook a little extra and bring it over to me (or I can pick it up from her!) at night. She's cooking anyway and then I'd have varied presumably delicious food.
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    Font - I asked her the next time I saw her and she looked surprised and said she couldn't because she was too busy (which didn't make sense cause she cooks almost every day but okay). The next time I saw her a few days later, I asked her if she was sure and upped the amount I was offering, and she said she was sure and that it was rude to ask me, and that she isn't a housekeeper for hire and I should get a housekeeper if that's what I want. She also called me 'a stranger' even though we have tal
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    Font - Overall she made me feel like a big jerk and really embarrassed for even asking her, and a little mad because she was acting like I was being creepy (I wasn't, trust me, she isn't my type). I think asking her to split cooking wasn't completely outlandish, since she cooks every day anyway and it wouldn't be hard to make a little more. So, AITA?
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    Font - EDIT: People keep assuming I'm sexist because I didn't think it was the old man who lives on our hall cooking. It's not an assumption for me. He and I have lived across from each other for 6 years. The cooking smells didn't start til she moved in, and I've talked to her about how good her cooking smells before.
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    Font - abundantly clear and asking her was inappropriate and, as much as I hate to admit it, creepy. My instinct is to apologize to her but since my instinct was to ask her in the first place, I'll do the opposite and stay out of her hair. Thanks. EDIT: Okay. It is that I was the a
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    Font - [deleted] 2 2 38 YTA. Honestly, OP: Thank you. So many people on this sub are just struggling for self-awareness, wading through uncharted territory, or trying to figure out how to navigate a complex situation with many moving parts and lasting social repercussions. Sometimes it's hard to know what to say, how to reach them, and especially how to reduce the situation down to a single three-letter acronym. But you, OP, are a 100% bonafide a ways. .. Let's count the
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    Font - 1. You're clearly making her extremely uncomfortable. You've caused her to feel like she has to walk on eggshells when leaving and entering her own home, because a strange man down the hall keeps insisting that she... cook for him? What the f ? H she might even feel like you're monitoring her movement in and out of the apartment in order to ambush her about cooking for you, which will obviously creep her the f out and make her feel uncomfortable in her own home.
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    Font - 2. Why on earth would you think that you're entitled to this person's cooking? Even if she were your spouse this would be a problem, and you don't even know her! How did you hear her say 'no' and decide to keep pressing the issue? She's calling you a stranger because you are a stranger, and she's telling you no because NO.
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    Font - 3. "I know it isn't the other person at our end of our hall cause it's a single old man." D dude. F off with that nonsense. You are a jerk, you were being creepy, and you should be way more embarrassed than you are. Stop harassing your neighbor, learn to cook, and leave her the f alone. Christ, OP. She said no.
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    Font - dr-jules S I absolutely love that he is offended that she called him a stranger. He doesn't know her first name! YTA, buddy. Wow. Leave this poor woman alone.
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    Font - EndsWithJusSayin Certified Proctologist [23] YTA - She said no, stop asking. Learn to cook, there's plenty of videos and subreddits to help you along. H. get a slow cooker. It's so hard to f slow cooker. S up with a
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    Font - CaliforniaJade Judge, Jury, and Excretion... YTA For one, you're assuming a lot. You're assuming this woman has nothing better to do than to plan a menu, shop, cook and serve you for a few extra dollars? Enjoying cooking for oneself does not mean she wants to turn it into a business. Watch some YouTube videos on easy one meals, learn to feed yourself.
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    Font - 1Tallboi Colo-rectal Surgeon [36] There's no excuse for a man your age to not know how to cook at least a few things. YTA
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    Font - missjeri Holy s I completely glossed over the fact that he was 30+. Imagine being that age, having lived alone for years, and still being unable to make yourself a decent meal lol.
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    Font - Ame 204 Asayyadina YTA - everyone else has laid out why really well but I also find it genuinely astonishing to ask someone whose first name you do not even know to cook for you??? Also you are clearly not thinking about all the extra labour that would go into this hypothetical arrangement besides the shopping, prep, cooking and packaging it up (Do you provide tupperware or containers? Does she use hers and do you factor in that cost).
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    Font - Think about it, you two would have to be in constant communication now re. meals, if you expect food every time she cooks and assume that is every evening then she now has to let you know every time she doesn't, so every time she goes on holiday, or is out for the evening, or is having friends round and they are getting pizza etc etc. She also now needs to take into account your tastes and any dietry needs, if you don't like what she cooks will you still pay her?
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    Font - Also, if you are not eating in then you need to tell her, what if you spontaneously go out to dinner one evening after work and forget to let her know? Do you still pay her for what she makes or is she now out the cost of that food? That is all actually a lot of planning, organisation and constant communication ie. work and emotional labour.
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    Font - Soatch I think OP might have low empathy. Basically he just cared about what he wanted: good food. He wasn't able to put himself into his neighbor's shoes.
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    Font - lilo_25 Parta_ipant [4] Um, yeah, YTA. Just because something 'makes sense' to you doesn't mean she should just jump on your bandwagon. If I was vacuuming my apartment and my neighbor knocked on the door and asked if I could vacuum theirs for $5 I'd be weirded out. I'm vacuuming my apartment, not advertising a business.
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    Font - You're offering to pay her, but she'd have to buy extra, modify her recipes, spend more time making more food and then package it all up for you and then bring it to you?? It's really pretentious of you just because *you* think someone has the time and energy to do something, that they should. Cooking is tiring, requires a lot of dishes and prep, and you There are plenty of meal services and meal prep companies that advertise this service. You badgering your neighbor to make you dinner ju
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    Font - holdingmytongue Parta: bant [1] Just the fact she has to think about OP at all in her daily food life. What if she doesn't feel like cooking one night? She now has to feel the obligation to do so because the guy across the hall is expecting food? This is an all round weird request. I mean, wouldn't we all love to have someone else preparing food for us after a long day? The idea of just walking next door and asking my neighbours to do it for me, even for money, is beyond insane.

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